Monday, January 4, 2010

Um, you have something up your nose

This morning, Teddy sneezed and the tail end of a spaghetti noodle came out of his nose. I tried to grab it, but he sniffed, and back up the shoot it went. This happened several more times and then finally I decided to get the tweezers. I waited for him to sneeze or snort or at least exhale strongly through his nostrils, my tweezers at the ready. He laughed and snorted at the same time and there was the little worm of a noodle again. I grabbed the noodle with my tweezers, feeling not unlike Mr. Miyagi when he kills those flies with chopsticks in Karate Kid. Then I pulled down on the noodle. And kept pulling down. And down. For what felt like a really long time. Finally the noodle was out. Gagging and shivering with total grossed outness, I tried to play it off to Charlie like it was a teachable moment. "Let's measure it!" I said, doing my best imitation of an extremely enthusiastic science teacher. Two inches. Teddy's nose is only like one centimeter long. Forget that I'm mixing my metric and non-metric units of measurement. That noodle was way too long to be in his nose. Did I mention that we ate spaghetti last night?? What kind of a mom lets her baby go to bed with a noodle the size of a boa constrictor up his nose? This one right here.

After the noodle incident, I took Charlie to his "consultation" at the dentist's office. He was referred to a pediatric dentist when our family dentist discovered two cavities in his upper back teeth. Those would be the teeth that I'm always encouraging him to brush, but clearly not in a very effective way. From my non-scientific observations of other moms, it seems like most moms pick their battles. Some are nutrition nazis who freak out if their kids haven't eaten every last bit of kale and tempeh on their plate. Some are all about banning things: screen time, processed foods, BPA-laced sippy cups. Then there are the dental care moms who lay down the dental hygiene law twice a day, sometimes three times. Needless to say, I am a little more mellow in the dental care department. Some might say, too mellow. : (

I remember a few years ago going to see some pediatric dentist speak at a moms' group. He and a volunteer from the audience demonstrated the proper way to best restrain a child in order to brush their teeth thoroughly. The take away from that session was that proper dental care involved some crazy WWF-style maneuvers. I think I'd rather my kid get cavities than grow up with a mom who has to routinely sit on him morning and night while prying his mouth open with my elbows. And, hence, the "consultation" today.

I wonder if there are any moms out there who have perfectly nourished children, who never watch TV or sip BPA-infused apple juice and whose teeth shine like diamonds? My kids have noodles up their noses and holes in their teeth. Life goes on, though, right? Baby teeth fall out, and new, ginormous ones take their place that are strong enough for a horse. God gives moms that much grace. A lot more than we give ourselves.

Charlie couldn't be more excited about getting fillings. He was beaming today when he got x-rays taken and then got to see the lovely holes in his teeth on the computer screen. Maybe this experience will lead to him becoming a dentist one day. Or a radiologist?

I'm not sure how to spin the noodle up Teddy's nose into a future lucrative career. When I told my mom about it on the phone she was laughing in a way I haven't heard her laugh in a long time. I hadn't even gotten to the part about measuring it yet, and she was practically in tears. I always knew having kids would bring me joy, but I never expected it would be the noodle-up-the-nose kind of joy.

I wonder what tomorrow will bring? Every day in Mommy Town is rife with potentially humbling, yet joyful experiences!


trey hailey said...

made me giggle like a little kid....!

trey hailey said...

made me giggle like a little kid...!

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! Maybe Teddy could be an ENT??


Christiana said...

That is really funny. I thought at first that you were making a metaphor for the long string of snot coming out of Charlie's nose and calling it a noodle and then I realized that it was ACTUALLY a noodle. I didn't know that was possible...I'm really impressed with Charlie. He must have an amazing snort mechanism!

Robin said...

AMAZING. I love how you turned the noodle incident into a homeschool moment. Girl, you're a natural. :)

Saw Julie and Julia recently...made me intensely curious about your relationship with Julie! I'll send a real message soon.

Happy 2010 to all of you!

Anonymous said...

I loved the noodle story... laughed out loud sitting at the computer. The joys of motherhood!! Keep up the good work...writing and mothering.

Mama Bear said...

oh, my. that is absolutely hilarious. and what is even more funny, is that you actually sat around with a pair of tweezers to get it. i would never have the dexterity. And there would have been some sort of emergency room/tweezer incident that I would have to explain to CPS.

i think i'm going to be laughing all day.

thank you.

Anonymous said...

Oh, my, Elizabeth. This is a BOY story if I ever heard one!! This would never have happened with a girl!
They just attract weird and gross happenings!! Get prepared for many more years of "noodles up the nose" experiences!!
Love you, Janice