It's tempting not to blog right now because I really don't have a lot to say that's positive. I'm not feeling well...kids are all a little sniffly and under the weather, but not sick enough to be still and watch tv. They were actually spitting on Teddy this morning (unsuccessful attempt at blowing raspberries at him, I think) and so now Teddy is showing signs of being sniffly.
Do you ever have those days when you feel like you're babysitting your own kids and you're just waiting for the real mom to come home so that you can go home and do your algebra homework and talk to your boyfriend on the phone? I feel like that right now. Brandon is out of town--something that is becoming more and more frequent. It's now more of an exception if he's in town for the whole week. I feel like I'm the only person in charge here and that is really scary and overwhelming sometimes.
There are so many people with real problems that are so much bigger than my non-problems. I got an email from a friend today asking for prayers for her friend who is probably losing her newborn baby today in the NICU. The email made me cry and I hid out in the bathroom for a few minutes and prayed for the baby and his mother and for me to get my head on straight and start appreciating my own children and my own life a little bit more. But then a few minutes later Charlie spilled a jar of tiny buttons all over the floor and I could feel my blood pressure start to sky rocket again. And then I just felt guilty because my moment of redemption was only like 5 seconds long.
Sometimes I am able to see my life with a wide angle lens, rather than a telephoto one and I can see that someday I will tell pithy stories about this time...that I will laugh at how hard everything was and realize that it didn't last forever and that my children can now wipe their own bottoms and noses and don't have to be bribed to brush their hair. But right now I am only able to see the micro view of everything. Right now, I am "in the weeds"--restaurant lingo for having too many tables sat in your section at once.
Just now Charlie asked me for tape....all of our tape is stuck to itself and would require a much more patient lady than myself to pick at it until it becomes un-stuck to itself. On a better day I would laugh about the tape, but today I want to throw it across the room. Or set it on fire. Can you set tape on fire?
Anyway, where was I? I really am wishing that we still lived in little villages, you know as in "it takes a village..." I want to live in that village. I want to be like, hey fellow villagers, here's the kids, I'll be at the starbucks the next village over if you need me. Catch you later!
I need a break is what I'm trying to say. But a break is not an option right now. So, there you go. And I feel like a bad mom for wanting a break from my precious children who are currently hitting each other with palm leaves made in Sunday school.
Sorry, no craft ideas or recipes or cute kid stories today. But thanks for listening anyway. Gotta go make dinner now. T minus 2 hours till bedtime. Come on 8 o'clock!