Have you seen those Mom makeover shows where the mom starts out wearing high-water khakis and a giant sweatshirt with her husband's gym socks and 30 year-old reeboks and then she is whisked backstage where she undergoes a fashion transformation and reappears with a new hairstyle, make up, five-inch heels and some ultra fashion-forward outfit that makes her look like an extra from Devil Wears Prada? Everyone cheers and then the camera finds her husband who cannot believe his luck. Who is this glamorous woman? He's thinking. And where are my gym socks?
I love these Mom makeover shows as much as the next girl. They tap into the part of my psyche that still enjoys a good Cinderella story or Julia Roberts movie. But, here is my question: What does the made-over Mom do after the hair product is washed out, the contouring shadow has been cold-creamed away, and the kicky outfit is put back on a hanger? I mean, the whole reason she looked like Urkel in the first place was because she didn't have the time (or the cosmetology degree) to put all that junk on her hair and her face to begin with. And the thing that bugs me the most about these shows is that they don't seem to have a clue as to what moms do all day. Can you imagine how hard it would be to clean peanut butter off the bottom of the toilet wearing heels and mini-skirt? (Yes, that's right, I said peanut butter on the bottom of the toilet.)
I need a realistic mom makeover show. I need ideas for looking cute while I chip crusty oatmeal off of my dining room chairs with a butter knife. I need to know how to wear my hair so that it looks feminine, modern and won't get in my way when I'm digging through the trash looking for Charlie's favorite "Train Thomas," which sometimes, just to shake things up, he likes to throw away in his favorite trash can. I can definitely see how the Urkel transformation happens. If you could see me as I write this post then you could make the argument that it has already happened.
So, what's a mom to wear? I've decided these people at Athleta have gotten it right. Judging from the pictures in the catalog, their target audience seems to be yoga instructors and professional surfers--people who spend all day working out and playing touch football on the beach, but I think secretly they are marketing to normal moms. It's just that catalog pictures of a mom hosing down a pukey car seat would probably not sell many clothes. Or would they?